To top
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Welcome back to No Chill Zone, a weekly column where I rant and rave about how some aspects of our highly connected, digitized and viral culture are sucking the ever-loving chill out of us. For those of you who maybe don’t know, being described as having “no chill” essentially means that one has lost any semblance of common, rational sense, opting instead to take things to wildly unnecessary extremes, or, in layman’s terms, “doing the most.”

Each week, I’ll be picking a topic that I believe perfectly encapsulates what it means to have absolutely zero chill, and put it on blast. There will be judgment, there will be harsh words and there will probably be tears. No one is immune from a no chill moment, myself included. But hopefully, by pointing out the causation of what constitutes as having no chill, we can, as a unified society, start regaining that lost chill, one shred of dignity at a time. This week’s topic is:

Twitter Feuds

Summer of 2015 was one for the history books, especially when it came to Twitter. The character conscious social media platform has taken a bold turn to become the edgier, quippier and more volatile alternative to Facebook, which frankly, at this point, is too overrun by brands, fan pages and your grandparents to be remotely hip anymore. Yeah, I said it!

Part of what makes Twitter so fun is the ability to have your tweets seen worldwide, with the chance of 140 characters that you happen to type out actually going viral. The limiting aspect of a tweet also challenges people to condense their scatterbrained thoughts into coherent, punchy sound bites for maximum effect. There’s no overly long Facebook ranting; you’ve gotta get your point across and make it snappy so people take notice.

Which brings us to Twitter feuds. Twitter feuds are an escalation of the highly enjoyable pastimes of twatching, sub-tweeting and full blown tweeted shady goodness. If you’re unsure of what any of this means, I highly suggest some supplemental reading in the form of an article by yours truly on getting away with Twitter shade. Twitter activities like these are a natural extension of the platform itself. Leave it to celebrities to take a juicy, popcorn-munching form of entertainment and leech the chill right out of it.

This past summer was the zenith of the Twitter feud, where if any celebrity had beef with another celebrity whatsoever, that drama played out, ad nauseum, on Twitter. You had Drake and Meek Mill lobbing diss tracks at one another on Twitter over Meek’s allegations that Drake doesn’t write his own rhymes. Petty, but we got a good Drake verse out of it. You had the complete randomness of Iggy Azalea feuding with a superhero/comic book account over God knows what, making the rapper’s public image that much more of a joke. You had Zayn Malik, former 1/5 of One Direction, and producer/DJ/Taylor Swift flavor-of-the-month Calvin Harris sniping at each other over 1% musician problems. And then there was Nicki Minaj and Taylor Swift.

The Minaj/Swift kerfuffle was the Twitter feud to end all feuds. I’m not going to spend my time rehashing all of the melodrama here, because it’s all been well documented and supposedly the hatchet has been buried. But my oh my was that a master class display of absolutely no chill. Here’s the thing: Twitter is not a coliseum. It’s not a conflict resolution zone. There’s no reason ever trying to argue with someone in 140 characters, because, news flash, no one wins. If this were an effective form of debate and airing one’s grievances, there would be no need for courtrooms. Lawyers would sit at home tweeting their arguments from the comfort of their beds to win cases.

Finding oneself immersed in a Twitter feud should be a big red flag that you checked your chill at the door and forget to claim it. Do you know what a version of a Twitter feud would be outside of Twitter? It’d be akin to having a fight with someone in class at school by passing a note back and forth. Seriously, get a life. Settle your drama maturely, not by anxiously waiting by your phone for a notification to see what your sparing partner has said to you in response.

For that matter, reasonable adults shouldn’t even have feuds. You know what’s a real feud? The Montagues and the Capulets, and we all know how that story ended. So, the next time you start getting a little heated, log off Twitter, take a deep breath and consider taking the high road. Grudges age you, after all. And if that doesn’t work, just talk shit about that person behind their back like normal people with chill do.

Leave a Reply

We are on Instagram