To top
Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterPin on PinterestShare on Google+Share on LinkedInEmail this to someone

Welcome to the inaugural edition of No Chill Zone, a weekly column where I rant and rave about how some aspects of our highly connected, digitized and viral culture is sucking the ever-loving chill out of us. For those of you who maybe don’t know, being described as having “no chill” essentially means that one has lost any semblance of common, rational sense, opting instead to take things to wildly unnecessary extremes, or, in layman’s terms, “doing the most.”

Each week, I’ll be picking a topic that I believe perfectly encapsulates what it means to have absolutely zero chill, and put it on blast. There will be judgment, there will be harsh words and there will probably be tears. No one is immune from a no chill moment, myself included. But hopefully, by pointing out the causation of what constitutes as having no chill, we can, as a unified society, start regaining that lost chill, one shred of dignity at a time. This week’s topic is:

“Netflix and Chill”

If by now you haven’t already been propositioned with the invitation to “Netflix and chill,” thank your lucky stars, because it’s not as great or relaxing as it sounds. In fact, it has absolutely nothing to do with Netflix or chilling. Instead, the genius, horny minds of today have opted to come up with a beat-around-the-bush euphemism for asking people if they’d like to come over and bone. Thus, the meme and 21st Century come-on “Netflix and chill” was born.

I have two gripes with this. One, how dare you take the solitary, independent act of binging on Netflix in the comfort and sanctuary of one’s own bed and pajamas and warp it into something to try and trick someone. When I wanna watch 5 straight hours of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, that’s exactly what I want to do. No ulterior motive involved. What I don’t want is to be propositioned into coming over to finally fulfill my duty of getting into Friday Night Lights only for you to start whipping out the lube. Bye, Felicia! Sorry not sorry, but binging through the latest season of House of Cards on Netflix can be just as invigorating and fulfilling as sex, to be quite freakin honest.

Second, and here’s the problem that modern day technology poses for communication in general, why are you disguising what it is you actually want in the veil of a completely different activity? If you want to ask for sex, ask for sex. You don’t have to be as blunt as, “Hey! Wanna fork?” but don’t play games and try to get people to consent to sex by asking for something completely different. It’s childish, it’s obnoxious and it makes you look like a bumbling fool. Are we so inept at socializing that we now have to mask our questions and desires? Be bold. Seek out what it is you want. You know what’s sexy? Confidence. To be completely honest, I would be more inclined to say yes to someone asking me point blank if I wanted to have sex with them rather then asking me if I wanted to “Netflix and chill.” Because my answer to anyone asking me that question will be met with this answer: “I already am, fuck off.”

Leave a Reply

We are on Instagram