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Welcome back No Chill Zone, a weekly column where I rant and rave about how some aspects of today’s society are sucking the ever-loving chill out of us. For those of you who maybe don’t know, being described as having “no chill” essentially means that one has lost any semblance of common, rational sense, opting instead to take things to wildly unnecessary extremes, or, in layman’s terms, “doing the most.”


Each week, I’ll be picking a topic that I believe perfectly encapsulates what it means to have absolutely zero chill, and put it on blast. There will be judgment, there will be harsh words and there will probably be tears. This week’s topic is:

Social Media “Fame”

It’s always hard to politely try to tell someone that no one really gives a shit. However, when it comes to self-righteous and obnoxious social media users who have an impressive following that they believe translates into real world fame, the shot to blow them off their high, deluded horses is an easy one to take. I hate to be the one to break it to you…aw hell, who am I kidding? Attention popular social media users: your online fame does not make you into a celebrity.

And yet, if someone manages to amass a million followers on a platform or disseminates some entertaining meme that goes viral, that feat of achievement can quickly go to their heads. In one foul swoop, the novelty of this “success” turns into a stunning display of absolutely no chill. You are not somebody because 100,000 somebodies liked your mediocre sunset photo on Instagram. Everyone likes a sunset! Get a freaking grip.

Guess what else? You’re not somebody because you have a hefty following. One million is an impressive number, but do you not realize that more than 7 BILLION people populate our planet? That number is miniscule in comparison, and should be proof enough that your Twitter feed does not translate into actual fame. Please do not be so annoying as to let this attention and relative popularity turn you into some entitled asshole. The percentage of people that know of you compared to those that could give a rat’s ass is astronomically skewed. If you try to turn into it something else, you’re only making a big giant douche of yourself.

So listen up all you social media stars out there. Congratulations on your digital success. By all means, do not let me dim your shine with this column. In most cases, what you’re able to do and the people you can connect with is an admirable feat. But it by no means makes you special, especially seeing as how pretty much everyone these days has the tools at their disposal to do exactly what it is you have. Don’t get it twisted – this social media “fame” of yours is in no way a talent that should be lauded or a skill that makes you an icon. Those are the marks of a famous person. You are merely a dwarf star in the overall scheme of things. Don’t be that person with no chill parading around your followers or virality as the end all and be all. Savor it for what it is and nothing more.

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