Welcome back No Chill Zone, a weekly column where I rant and rave about how some aspects of today’s society are sucking the ever-loving chill out of us. For those of you who maybe don’t know, being described as having “no chill” essentially means that one has lost any semblance of common, rational sense, opting instead to take things to wildly unnecessary extremes, or, in layman’s terms, “doing the most.”
Each week, I’ll be picking a topic that I believe perfectly encapsulates what it means to have absolutely zero chill, and put it on blast. There will be judgment, there will be harsh words and there will probably be tears. This week’s topic is:
Oh boy, where do I even begin with this one? Sometimes I am truly so flabbergasted that my trademark snark can’t even come out. When I’m speechless, it’s serious. Reply all very much falls into that scenario. The “accidental” reply all has become such a played out cliché at this point that, quite honestly, there are probably only a handful of things that are resolutely dumber than replying all. This rings true in both fiction and reality.
Do you want to ensure that I lose respect for a fictional character in the blink of an eye? Make them accidentally reply all to something to set off a precarious chain of events. Talk about one of the worst plot contrivances in the modern era. As for real life, I honestly wouldn’t know what to say to someone who “accidentally” replies all to an email because it requires a legitimate TWO additional steps to even make that possible in most cases. You can’t accidentally do something that requires you to take extra measures to even pull off. That’s like saying you accidentally read ahead in a book. No. Your hands didn’t accidentally flip through more pages and your eyes didn’t accidentally scan and process the words on those pages. What’re you even talking about?
Honestly, I have no sympathy for those who reply all when they shouldn’t have. It’s the highest form of carelessness and utter lack of attention. This sounds harsh, but you deserve it. It is so simple to reply to the last person or another individual in an email chain by simply clicking in the message box and typing out your response. This goes directly to that person without everyone else on the chain getting it. You have to actively hit the reply button in most email platforms and then select the “reply all” feature to even make reply all happen. How is this such a common screw up? I really, truly, do not understand.
But you know what’s arguably worse than someone who accidentally replies all to something? People who legitimately do it on purpose. Over and over and over again. This, my friends, gets to the very heart of what it means to have no chill. People who routinely reply all to email threads and chains think that whatever it is they’re meandering on about is so profoundly important and worth everyone’s precious time that they’re practically blessing everyone with the second coming of Shakespeare. News flash: we do not give a flying fuck.
Not only are you inundating our inboxes with your pointless and uninteresting drivel, you are actively making my life harder by making me scan my way through your bullshit in order to make sure I’m not missing anything important. And for those addicts who jump on an email notification like a lion onto a gazelle in the Sahara, nothing annoys them more than finding your stupid reply all message to some thread about an office happy hour or your bet on who wins this year’s Super Bowl. Shut it down. Change your ways. Get some chill. And for God’s sake, stop with the reply all!