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Welcome back No Chill Zone, a weekly column where I rant and rave about how some aspects of today’s society are sucking the ever-loving chill out of us. For those of you who maybe don’t know, being described as having “no chill” essentially means that one has lost any semblance of common, rational sense, opting instead to take things to wildly unnecessary extremes, or, in layman’s terms, “doing the most.”

Each week, I’ll be picking a topic that I believe perfectly encapsulates what it means to have absolutely zero chill, and put it on blast. There will be judgment, there will be harsh words and there will probably be tears. This week’s topic is:

Hater Commenters

Ah, the Internet! What a glorious invention. Quite simply, the Internet has revolutionized our society in unprecedented ways. In fact, the Internet is so ubiquitous, it’s hard to imagine a time when people couldn’t just log on for almost any and every thing they could ever want, especially for us millennials. Which brings me to the haters. The Internet is a breeding ground for those little trolls.

Arguably the nadir of the Internet is hater commenters. Some may counter and say it’s the Dark Web, but honestly, haven’t we all thought about selling a lobe of our liver on it to make a quick, cool 50K? Anyone? Bueller?? Regardless, the Dark Web is too shrouded in enigma and code to be pervasive enough to represent the resounding misuse of the Internet. Hater commenters, on the other hand, are a nuisance unlike any other that illustrate how the Internet has contributed to the rapid leeching of chill from some members of society.

For starters, just what did haters do before the advent of the Internet to express their unwarranted, bitter spiels? Did they write letters to the people, places and things that made them sad little sour pusses? Did they hijack town hall meetings or AA groups in order to just get all their hateful little diatribes off their chest? This is an unsolved mystery of the highest order. I mean, it goes without saying that haters have been around since the dawn of time (looking at you, Judas), but it seems like they started coming out of the wood work once the Internet provided them an anonymous platform to scream and shout and let it all out.

If you’re on the fence about the scourge of haters on the Internet, I defy you to come up with something that highlights having no chill more than sitting behind the comfort and anonymity of a computer and going to town on someone or something that you don’t like. Honestly, are you telling me that there isn’t anything more productive you could be doing with your time – like say, maybe sterilizing yourself so your hater genes don’t get spread on to the next generation? I’m just spitballing with that one.

Why do you think so many websites disable comment features? Because haters purposefully seek them out just to be downright nasty and feel more secure about themselves by needlessly disparaging others. It’s the lowest form of a confidence boost, and it clearly doesn’t work, because the haters keep finding more and more to hate. YouTube arguably represents pinnacle hater comments, probably because anyone who puts a video up on YouTube forgoes their relative Internet anonymity, which steams haters so much because they pathetically use that very thing as a shield for their deep-rooted insecurity.

I mean, my God, leave your grandma’s basement or the public library every once and a while and try contributing something to society instead of ripping it and the people who actually live in it apart. I can’t think of anything more sad, and exhausting quite frankly, then devoting my spare time to hating on someone just for the sake of hating. There’s a difference between criticism and going around calling people names, but hater commenters wouldn’t really know because they’re too busy looking for something else to shit all over. Attention haters: No matter how fat or stupid or unattractive you think something or someone is, the truly ugly one in this scenario is you.

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